I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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