So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize