he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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