her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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