my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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