i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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