fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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