Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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