somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize