Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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