Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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