when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize