I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize