Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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