Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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