Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize