I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize