I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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