Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize