6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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