I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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