She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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