i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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