You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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