The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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