Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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