I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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