just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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