"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize