nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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