Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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