booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize