My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize