Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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