My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize