I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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