i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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