the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize