On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your penis caused this!
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize