I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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