just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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