Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  did it start talking like on Land before time?

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  (518): i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur (413): did it start talking like on Land before time? http://tfl.nu/4v1u
  Replies (12) Good night (3937) Bad night (558)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (6814) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (8004) Bad night (2174)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8713) Bad night (986)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

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  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (18) Good night (5157) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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  (610): I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/pqr9
  Replies (5) Good night (2491) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
  Replies (13) Good night (1233) Bad night (3936)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon

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  (713): She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon http://tfl.nu/tsuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1439) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

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  (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7
  Replies (11) Good night (4370) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet

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  (480): I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet http://tfl.nu/9wvg
  Replies (3) Good night (3861) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold

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  (843): Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold http://tfl.nu/201i
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.

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  (605): I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming. http://tfl.nu/djrq
  Replies (15) Good night (1200) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  whose ass print is on the piano?

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  (818): whose ass print is on the piano? http://tfl.nu/s2mm
  Replies (9) Good night (1356) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in

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  (954): I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in http://tfl.nu/4adg
  Replies (4) Good night (749) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station

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  (623): It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station http://tfl.nu/4d6r
  Replies (6) Good night (571) Bad night (204)

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