mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize