then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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