so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize