i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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