i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize