On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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