dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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