Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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